McWhat?!

Just when I thought I could somehow escape the staggering personal losses that this current economy has dumped upon countless Americans, tragedy has struck me today....

As I was paging through the Chicago Sun-Times, (something that may no longer exist in paper form) I came across a short article that sent a cold chill racing through my body. I'll spare you the gruesome details, but our beloved Double Cheeseburger, a symbol of American ingenuity, hope and freedom, will no longer cost just $1. In these economically depressed times, feeding yourself has just gotten more expensive. McDonald's has not said what the new cost will be, but instead attempted a pathetic and insulting diversion in announcing the McDouble. At first glance, it looks like an ordinary Double Cheeseburger, but further inspection reveals that there is only one piece of cheese rather than the two we are accustomed to. McDonald's says this is the only way that a double cheeseburger can remain on the Dollar Menu, and still be profitable to its franchisees.

As I sat back in my chair attempting to wrap my mind around this, I was filled with a sense of despair. I began to think about what other luxuries I would have to cut from my budget. First the mortgage crisis, then the stock market plunge, an impending credit card crisis, and now this!? I don't know if I want to bring children into a world like this. Where will they live? Where will they invest their money? How will they buy things they can't afford? Where will they go at 2am to buy cheap fare that will soak up the copious amounts of alcohol in their precious stomachs?

Some of you that know me very well will point out the fact that I am allergic to dairy products, therefore I really shouldn't be worried about this. To that I say: "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." My boy Edmund Burke ain't lyin. If I don't stand up against this insidious attempt to subvert the spending power of the middle class, then I am a part of that same evil....and probably a Republican.

Next time you are entranced by the seductive glow of those Golden Arches, and your nose engages in an olfactory orgy of french fries and beef patties, remember my words. Before you give in to gustatory temptation, ask yourself, "Am I an evil person?"

Do you.